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Multiple Projects and Anxious Priorities

It is very difficult for me to settle and just do one thing. Maybe it's a generational thing to have so many choices that we're paralyzed when told we have to pick one. (Story of my dating life. 😅) In my efforts to declutter my apartment and start gaining some focus, I've been reflective of how I manage so many projects. Or rather...start so many and rarely finish. 

Always making the same mistakes...

So, one thing I've been trying to be good about is prioritizing projects before buying supplies and starting them. However, I failed to realize something until well...today. There's the LOGIC of setting a priority but my anxious mind tries to sabotage that. So Story time...

A Tale of Two Dresses

On my list of costumes to make is a green dance dress for St. Patrick's Day, a costume for a dance performance in June, and the big puppet and costume for Halloween. All of these costumes have due dates. Not a bad thing to have, it helps set priorities. By logic, the priority should be: 
  1. Green Dress
  2. Performance Dress
  3. Halloween Costume
However, I did not fully decide to do the recital thing until a couple days ago. The recital is themed "Night at the Movies" and was told I should think of my favorite movie that I could make a dance routine and costume for. I was leaning into some of my favorite musicals like Fiddler on the Roof and Sound of Music. I have elements of these costumes already. I had a third movie in mind...The Last Unicorn. But I didn't really think that movie had any "dance" music in it. It's all slow, moody, late 70s soft rock ballads. (No hate on the music, I love it but I couldn't see it as a dance number.)
But it was my odd one out of movie choices so I brought up with my instructor and we listened to the opening theme, and he said "OH...that's a rumba for sure." 
(I am a visual person, my ears are shit.) 
So that opened the gate and I was excited by this possibility so I settled on it. But that did mean I'd be making a new costume. 
I had sketches for a unicorn themed costume for ages now so I started iterating on it right after dance class. And...I got wound up. 

Wound up in anxiety because I had given myself an assignment with a due date and what I want to do for the costume will take time. As someone who wrote their essays early and never last minute, I want to work on the Unicorn costume NOW. 

So...what about that green dress? I have all the materials. The pattern is cut out of fabric and ready for assembly. But for some reason my manic brain thinks that it's the unicorn costume that's due so soon and deserves the highest priority. 

And the craziest thing was that the day before my dance class, I was eyeballs deep in research for the Shrine Maiden costume and getting revved up for it. (Like staying up until 3 a.m. kind of excitement.) 

Earlier today I felt a panic as I didn't have the yarn I wanted for part of the unicorn costume and I don't know which colors or fabric to use for other parts. I felt like I needed to buy it NOW or I wouldn't finish on time. 
What's a woman to do?

Driving the Elephant

My inspirational "moods" can be unwieldy like a rampaging elephant. And thanks to the therapy I've been in lately, I'm starting to recognize that this...this is an anxiety and not reality. But I'm not suppressing these feelings, I let them have space but I need to direct it. 

Because the panic started making me think about all the projects I'm excited about at this time. I want to crochet another mermaid tail blanket and a swimsuit.  Also want to make another mermaid swim tail. I would really like to make a few loom knitting patterns to sell. I have made that a personal goal but these other costume projects really pull me away. I'm also in the process of crocheting a summer sun dress. And I would like to finish the visual novel I've been working on since 2017. 😓

So some of my reminders to myself have been: 

  1. Some of these things don't have a deadline. Relax about those even if you purchased materials for them. It'll get done. 
  2. Is this a real priority or is this inspired by anxiety? 
  3. How am I feeling mentally? Am I overwhelmed by non-creative things? 
  4. Take things one step at a time and before you know it you'll make progress. 
  5. Take a breath. Get off Amazon and Pinterest and go to bed. 
  6. Take a walk and release some of this nervous energy. 
There, there...it'll be fine.

Blog About It

I'm a writer by profession and having this blog or a place to write down my plans brings me solace. It takes logic and planning as well as a spark of creativity to write these things. Granted the planning isn't as intensive as my work but it's good for me. 
Figuring out the most important thing to do for a project on a day to day instance is important. Like today, it'll be very important for me to go to bed on time and relax. Maybe crochet a few more rows on my dress or knit a couple rows on my belt while watching a TV show. 

And I'll buy that sparkly white yarn I was so worked up about today on Friday after my haircut because it's available at a physical store I don't have to order it online. 

I don't know why yarn does this to me!
Well, thank goodness it's Lent and some of my fasting is helping.

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